Zeyu on The removed part
I was right, all along.
There is something, someone, removed from me.
It was one of the best I ever quoted from a novel. Haruki Murakami was so exquisitely pinpoint on his descriptions of solitude, lost love, and the sickness that followed.
Although in my case, the resentment and dread was perhaps the core of my suffering. Whilst his protagonist, or other people in general, did not have much symptom of ill-will resulted from lost loves, my empty feelings kept betraying me in front of girls with interests, though I honestly could not care less.
My indifference was not a result of homosexuality, since I am yet to find a man of a least degree of attraction, but it is not my intention to defend that point anyway.
When my ex-girlfriend finally gave me up for good, she realized how much potential she might have by using her feminine power to manipulate men. I find, ironically, that power was perhaps the reason that she repels me, for it is simply disgusting to use your admirers’ insecurity to quench your own. As I said, maybe that is why I lost interest in women in general.
Truthfully, I doubted my own comment that love and sex should exist separately. However when I look at the world around me, those absolutely certain and satisfied with their love are literally non-existent. If love cannot be realized in its entirety, then what is even the point of ever finding a “match”? Would you settle for a MacBook Pro, instead of a MacBook? God help you when MacBook Air arrives.
Another quote from an excellent piece of art: we all choose the love we think we deserve. Therefore, instead of actively seeking love in vain, I feel blessed now to have the courage to wait in vain, watching my friends tiredly chasing their elusive loves, and amuse myself with their pity of not getting, or, for fewer times, their regret of ever getting.